Marriage struggles look different for every couple, but what we do with them shapes our strength together.

Recently, at the airport, I saw something I can’t shake. A gate change had left several of us in wheelchairs waiting for help. Boarding was still forty-five minutes away, but an older man began yelling at the gate agents, impatient and loud about the delay.

Then he decided to make the move to the new gate at the other end of the terminal. Although both he and his wife were in wheelchairs, he sat down in his wheelchair while his frail, bent-over wife stood up from hers. With one hand she pushed him, with the other she dragged a rolling bag behind her. He held his cane across his lap.

It was hard to watch. He was tall and stout and seemed stronger than her. Yet, she carried the weight for both of them. My honest thought was, I’ll be doggone if I’m going to get up and push you.

Later, telling the story to my husband, I couldn’t help but smile at his response. He shook his head and said, “Yeah, if we’re going to struggle, we’re going to struggle together.” And then he added, “We’d use that cane as an oar.”

I laughed and said, “Yep. I’ll sit on your lap and use my one good foot to help move us along.”

Can you picture it? Two people rowing with a cane, laughing at the awkwardness, but still moving forward side by side. Isn’t that the kind of partnership God intended marriage to be?

Scripture says, “One can chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight” (Deuteronomy 32:30). Did you get that? In God’s design for marriage, one plus one isn’t two. One plus one is TEN! Marriage isn’t about one person doing all the work—it’s about multiplying strength together.

Marriage struggles when couples multiply the wrong things

Not every couple does. In the book of Acts, Ananias and Sapphira agreed together to lie about money they had given to the church (Acts 5:1–11). They were united in deception. Instead of multiplying strength, their agreement multiplied destruction.

Unity is powerful, but without God at the center, it can carry us the wrong way.

Marriage struggles when one spouse carries the weight alone

Then there’s Abigail and Nabal (1 Samuel 25). Nabal’s foolishness put his whole household in danger. Abigail, wise and discerning, stepped in to save them. But she carried the burden alone while her husband chose pride and recklessness.

Their story shows the weariness that comes when one spouse refuses to walk in wisdom. Marriage becomes lopsided, and the weight that was meant to be shared falls on one set of shoulders.

Finding strength in marriage God’s way

But then we meet Priscilla and Aquila (Acts 18). Every time they appear in Scripture, they’re side by side. They welcomed Paul into their home, risked their lives for him, and even taught Apollos together. Their marriage was a living example of partnership that advanced God’s kingdom.

Or consider Mary and Joseph. They faced scandal, fear, and uncertainty, but they stood together in obedience to God. Their unity protected Jesus in His earliest days.

These couples remind us what happens when two walk together with God: strength multiplies, faith deepens, and the impact is exponential.

From struggles to strength in marriage

The couple at the airport gave me a picture of imbalance. But my husband’s quick response gave me a picture of unity. If we’re going to struggle, we’ll struggle together—even if it means turning a cane into an oar and laughing our way forward.

That’s the difference between struggle that drains us and struggle that strengthens us. It’s not about avoiding hard things. It’s about choosing to face them together with God. That’s when struggle turns into strength.

That’s what I want in marriage. Not perfection. Not one carrying all the weight. But two choosing to lean into the hard things together. Because two really are better than one.

Encouragement for your marriage

Maybe you feel like you’re doing all the pushing right now. Or maybe you realize you’ve been sitting back while your spouse carries more than their share.

Wherever you are, know God designed marriage to multiply strength, not to drain it.

Don’t disengage. Don’t carry it alone. Pick up the “cane” together, however awkward or messy it feels. Struggle side by side. Laugh when you can. Trust God with the rest.

Because one can chase a thousand, but two—together—can chase ten thousand.

Let’s keep the conversation going: What’s one way you and your spouse have learned to “row with the cane” together when life gets hard?